Kim Kardashian! Off The Market (For Now). Hot Kardashian Pictorama!

Forgive me my ignorance: I don’t understand the Kim Kardashian blitz. For my money she’s an over exposed, thickly made up attention whore, with nothing else to offer the world but her vapid attempts at self exposure. Pretty? I guess. A bit average looking though, without the makeup.

Kind of like spray painting a turd. Sure, it’s pretty now, it’s gold, and it glistens. But you get it home and it’s still a turd.

It doesn’t matter. She’s married now, locked in wedded bliss- again- and again, this guy is for real.

But it wasn't always like this. A long, long time ago, Kim had a dilemma. She wasn’t famous. She had a rich daddy, so that was a start. But how to get the World to notice… a light bulb went off. How did Paris Hilton do it? She doesn’t have looks, or talent.

She doesn't have talent...

Simple, even elementary. Make a sex tape and leak it to the Internet.

How did that get on there?

Kim Kardashian’s daddy was a lawyer. How he got famous, was in the early days of the O. J. Simpson debacle, when Simpson stayed in the Kardashian’s house following the murders. When Simpson flew back from Chicago with a bag many thought contained bloody clothes or a knife used in the murders, Kardashian was the man carrying the bag.

13 year old Kim with Nicole Ritchie

June 17, 1994. Simpson failed to turn himself in, and Kardashian read a letter from him to the media. Many thought it was a suicide note.

Kim was 13 at the time.

She was 27

In December 2007, Kardashian posed nude for Playboy.

She was 27.

Famous Cupcakes of LA, developed a cake inspired by Kim and named it: Va-Va-Va Nilla.

She was 29.

"I don't really like Vanilla," said Kim.

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries get married somewhere in California.

She was 30.

Will it last? As has been said, a lot of jockeys have ridden that horse. What happens when Kris is up late after a difficult day, surfing the Net, and runs across that sex tape without which we wouldn’t have a Kim Kardashian.

Best case scenario, he’ll walk away with some new endorsement deals.

Worst case, Bruce Jenner is carrying his bag from the airport…

View portions of the sex tape here (caution: graphic content). Some stills from the yuck-fest can be seen here (if you're asked for a password, try wedding).

View scenes from the Wedding of the Minute here. Note the Bruce Jenner reanimated corpse walking our Darling to the sacrificial altar...

And now: The Hot Kim Kardashian Pictorama!

A Portion Of The Men of Kim:

First Husband Damon Thomas

Gabriel Aubrey

Michael Copon

Miles Austin

Nick Cannon

Ray-J